Last time, we looked at the story of King Yi and Pang Meng. King Yi’s own selfishness and competitiveness attracted a like-minded student who ultimately betrayed and killed him. This time, we’ll look at another story: Duke Huan and his three fanatics.
During the Spring and Autumn Period (c. 770–476 BCE), China had Five Hegemons. These were the five state leaders with the most power. One of them was Duke Huan of the state of Qi (齊桓公), who ruled from 685 to 643 BCE. With the help of his key advisor, Guan Zhong (管仲), the state of Qi become the most powerful state at the time. After Duke Huan’s rise to power, many people wanted to gain favor with him. Among them, three people stood out.
One person was Kai Fang (開方), who was part of the noble class in the state of Wei. He could have lived a life of wealth and prestige in Wei, but instead, he chose to go to the state of Qi to serve Duke Huan. When his father died, he didn’t even go back for his father’s funeral. Duke Qi was touched by this, thinking, “Wow, Kai Fang loves me more than his own father!”
The second person was Shu Diao (豎刁), who was part of the noble class in the state of Qi. Due to his high social class, he was allowed to go work in the imperial palace at a young age. But since the palace has many imperial concubines, he was asked to leave when he got older, unless he wanted to castrate himself and become a eunuch. Thus, Shu Diao returned home. Not long after, he really missed being in the imperial palace with Duke Qi, so he made up his mind and became a eunuch. Duke Qi was touched by this, thinking, “Wow, Shu Diao loves me more than his own body!”
The third person was Yi Ya (易牙), who served as Duke Qi’s chef. Yi Ya was renowned for his excellent culinary skills, and the Duke loved his cooking. One day, Yi Ya roasted a baby pig, and Duke Qi said, “Wow I’ve never tasted anything so good as this roasted baby pig! I wonder what a human infant would taste like.” It was just an off-handed remark without any intention, but Yi Ya took it very seriously. He felt that he couldn’t serve the Duke flesh from a commoner’s child, so he decided to sacrifice his own four-year-old son and cooked a meat stew served in a golden pot for the Duke.
When Duke Qi tasted the stew, he asked what was in it. Yi Ya explained that he ultimately decided to offer his son’s flesh to fulfill the Duke’s wish. Duke Qi was a bit grossed out, but at the same time, he was touched, thinking, “Wow, Yi Ya loves me more than his own son!”
(Pause. So what do you think about these three people? After you’ve formed your opinion, keep reading.)
The Duke really liked these three people, and they often said things and did things to please him. However, Guan Zhong strongly disapproved and advised the Duke to stay away from them. Near the end of his life, Guan Zhong became very ill.
Duke Huan visited Guan Zhong and asked which of his ministers could serve as the next prime minister and key advisor. Guan Zhong asked the Duke what he thought. The Duke first suggested Yi Ya.
Guan Zhong replied, “Yi Ya killed his own son to please you. This violates human sentiment. What parent doesn’t love their own child? Yi Ya is definitely a merciless person with ulterior motives.”
A bit shocked, the Duke said, “OK, I guess you might have a point. Then what about Kai Fang?”
Guan Zhong said, “Kai Fang abandoned his family duties to serve you. Parents gave the most to us in our lives. To not return home for his father’s funeral and not feel bad about it, that violates human sentiment and morality. If he is willing to cast aside his own parents, then who is he not willing to cast aside? I wouldn’t trust him.”
Finally, the Duke asked, “What about Shu Diao?”
Guan Zhong replied, “He castrated himself to gain favor with you. If he is willing to harm himself, then who is he not willing to harm? He definitely has ulterior motives too.”
Although Guan Zhong’s words were painful to hear, this was the key man who helped him rise to power, and he knew Guan Zhong is a wise person with his best intentions in mind. Thus, he followed Guan Zhong’s advice and dismissed those three people from the imperial palace. Not long after, Guan Zhong passed away.
A few years later, Duke Huan missed the presence of those three people. He felt like life had become so much more boring and flavorless without them, and that maybe Guan Zhong was being too harsh on them. Thus, he called them back to the palace.
The following year, Duke Huan fell seriously ill. Rather than caring for their father’s health, his many sons started fighting for the throne. Yi Ya and Shu Diao joined the fight. They killed many officials and tried to manipulate members of the royal family so that they could have power over whoever won the throne. This internal strife also marked the beginning of the decline of the state of Qi.
To prevent the sick Duke Huan from meddling, Yi Ya and Shu Diao locked the Duke in his bedchambers and falsely proclaimed royal decrees, forbidding anyone from seeing the Duke. In this way, they cut off the Duke’s food supply and starved him to death.
It wasn’t until over two months later, when someone noticed a terrible smell and maggots crawling out from that room, that someone finally checked on the bedchambers and found Duke Huan’s dead corpse. Even then, his sons didn’t stop fighting. It wasn’t until ten months later, when one of the sons finally won the fight for the throne, that they finally organized a funeral for Duke Huan.
(Story reference material: The Records of the Grand Historian)
Commentary
In the Analects, Confucius said,
“There are three types of beneficial friends and three types of harmful friends. The upstanding, the understanding, and those with broad learning, these are beneficial. The sweet talker, the deceiver, and the smooth talker, these are harmful.”
(Original text: 益者三友，損者三友。友直，友諒，友多聞，益矣。友便辟，友善柔，友便佞，損矣。)
The upstanding person is one who behaves in a good and moral way, setting a good example for others. They do not compromise on principles for the sake of currying favor with others, nor do they blindly follow the herd. If they see you have a fault, they will advise you because they want the best for you.
The understanding person is very kind, tolerant, and treats others the way they would want to be treated. They help us feel understood, and they set a role model for us to be more understanding and tolerant towards others.
Those with broad learning can help us to solve our problems with wisdom. They also set a role model for us to keep learning and improving ourselves.
The sweet talker is great at using flattery to get you to like them, but their intentions are selfish. They hope to use you to gain benefits for themselves. Since they always want others to like them, they become unprincipled and don’t say things that need to be said. When we listen to sweet talkers, we think we are great and become oblivious to our problems, which will eventually create trouble for us.
The deceiver seems to be good on the surface, but they are rotten deep down. They might say good things about you in your presence or seem to help you, but they say bad things about you and hurt you behind your back.
The smooth talker is very artful and persuasive in their speech, but they lack true experience, and their intentions are improper (e.g., selfish, lazy, arrogant). They use their cleverness to distort right and wrong for the purpose of obtaining self-benefit. Listening to them will definitely bring harm.
Confucius also said,
“There are three beneficial enjoyments and three harmful enjoyments. Regulating oneself through propriety and music, leading others towards virtue, and having worthy friends, these are beneficial enjoyments. Arrogance, idle amusement, and feasting, these are harmful enjoyments.”
(Original Text: 益者三樂，損者三樂。樂節禮樂，樂道人之善，樂多賢友，益矣。樂驕樂，樂佚遊，樂宴樂，損矣。)
Propriety is used to regulate behavior, and music is used to regulate emotions. When it comes to daily social interactions, it’s important to do things in a fitting manner and to an appropriate degree. This is where rules of propriety and etiquette come into play. When we follow these natural laws of human sentiment, others will feel that we are considerate and respectful towards them. As a result, we gain the enjoyment of pleasant social interactions and good relationships.
In ancient China, music was used to regulate emotions and calm the mind, which is quite different from modern pop music, which tends to bring out more emotions and strongly stimulate the mind. A lot of external stimulation creates a rush of dopamine (a feel good hormone), but that short-term high leads to a low afterwards, and it can lead to addiction, so that’s a harmful type of enjoyment. On the other hand, the enjoyment of a calm and peaceful mind is a beneficial enjoyment.
Helping others do good deeds and improve their virtues is a very enjoyable thing indeed. Humans are social beings, and the brain is wired to feel good from helping others and from doing good deeds. Being with worthy friends who have high virtues and learning brings us the joy of growth and improvement.
Arrogant people take pleasure in being better than others, and this is a harmful type of enjoyment because it creates a constant sense of fear that someone will be better than us, and there are always better people out there. Also, no one likes an arrogant person.
Idle enjoyment is a very broad concept that encompasses being lazy, undisciplined, and disordered in life. Endlessly scrolling on social media, being addicted to gaming, binge watching shows are all examples. These types of behavior lack propriety and are often to an excessive degree. They reflect a lack of consideration towards others and a lack of responsibility.
Feasting refers to big feasts with lots of extravagant foods and alcohol. It’s fine to attend feasts so long as it’s regulated by propriety. It becomes harmful when people take pleasure in extravagance; such behavior is very wasteful, and frequently wasting so much money will lead to poverty. Also, taking pleasure in alcohol harms our health and brain, and getting drunk can lead to committing grave mistakes.
What we take pleasure in also affects the people we attract into our lives. If we take pleasure in propriety, good music, and cultivating virtues, we’ll attract those types of people to stay in our lives. If we take pleasure in competition, idle enjoyment, and feasting, then we’ll attract those types of people into our lives.
Of course, Confucius isn’t trying to give an extensive list, but it’s a good list to get us thinking. We can certainly add to the list, such as avoiding people who are arrogant and extravagant, and associating with the filial and humble. Beneficial enjoyments can also include meditation, spending time in nature, or volunteering for a charitable cause, and harmful enjoyments can also include drugs, gambling, and other addictive activities. It’s important to understand the spirit behind Confucius’ words so that we can make connections to our own lives.
OK, back to the story. Guan Zhong is a clear example of a beneficial influence. He is very upstanding and has broad learning. He advises Duke Huan honestly, even if the advice might be hard to hear, because he truly wants the best for the Duke and the state. Duke Huan rose to power because he trusted and listened to Guan Zhong, and the state encountered disaster after he doubted Guan Zhong and disobeyed his advice.
On the other hand, Yi Ya, Shu Diao, and Kai Fang are examples of harmful influences. They were great at sweet talking, saying things that pleased Duke Huan in order to gain favor with him. They were also deceivers. On the surface, they seemed devoted to Duke Huan, but deep down, they had ulterior motives to seize political power. They also used clever words to distort right and wrong, such as saying that devotion to their ruler is more important than their family or body. Duke Huan’s tragic downfall was due to associating with these harmful ministers.
(A note on sweet talk: Just to be clear, sweet talk isn’t always bad; it depends on your intention. If your intention is to gain self-benefit, then it’s immoral. But if your intention is to help the other person, such as saying some nice compliments to put them in a better mood before giving some heavy advice, then this is fine and appropriate.)
We might think, “Wow, Duke Huan is pretty dumb. How could he not see how harmful those three people were?”
But we shouldn’t be so quick to judge. After all, Duke Huan led his state to become the strongest state in China at the time. That’s not something a person of normal ability could do. How can we be so confident that we are better than Duke Huan? If someone as capable as him could fall to the trap of bad influences, then what about us?
One of the most important principles that Duke Huan missed is morality and human sentiment. For someone to love him more than their own family violates morality, and thus, there must be ulterior motives involved. As Confucius said in the Classic of Filial Piety:
“To not love one’s parents yet love others violates morality. To not respect one’s parents yet respect others violates propriety.”
(Original Text: 不愛其親，而愛他人者，謂之悖德。不敬其親，而敬他人者，謂之悖禮。 )
If we are really touched when someone does something nice for us, but we don’t feel nearly as touched or grateful for all the things our family (especially our parents) have done for us, then we are making the same mistake as Duke Huan. Even worse is if we think those people are better than our family members. The morally right way is to feel grateful to our family first because they’ve given us the most, then extend that gratitude out towards others.
Everyone has an ego. Most of us like it when others praise us, and we dislike it when others criticize us (even, and especially if, we think their criticism is wrong). Most of us seek sensual pleasure and enjoyment, whether it’s food, entertainment, parties, etc. Many people don’t seek advice from those more wise and experienced, and even if they do, if the advice is not what they want to hear, they choose to believe themselves rather than the expert. If any of these hold true for us, then we are no different from Duke Huan.
Thus, it’s of utmost importance that we have a good understanding of ourselves and know what kind of people we attract. Chances are, beneficial and harmful influences are all around us. But those who stay close to us are the result of our own character.
If we like listening to flattery and dislike honest criticism, then we’ll attract the sweet talkers. If we ourselves don’t care so much about morality, then we’ll attract the smooth talkers. If we have a lot of power but don’t use it to help others, then we’ll attract deceivers who want to take or use some of that power.
On the flip side, if we value morality and ethics, then we’ll attract upstanding and principled people to stay by our side. If we are kind and understanding towards others, we’ll attract kind and understanding people. If we value learning and self-improvement, then we’ll attract the same types of people.
Moreover, “attracting” a certain type of person doesn’t necessarily refer to a different person coming into our life. It could be changing the existing people in our life. For example, if we have a bad temper, then the people around us have no choice but to not criticize us, so they behave like sweet talkers. But if we become humble and seek their advice, then suddenly, the same people around us can become upstanding people. If we used to always criticize others, but then we change and become more understanding, then they will get influenced and become more understanding towards us too.
Ancient philosophers all teach us to be strict with ourselves and tolerant towards others. Moral cultivation is cultivating ourselves, not others. So after learning Confucius’s teachings about beneficial versus harmful friends, our focus should not be on judging others as beneficial or harmful, but rather on judging ourselves. What type of influence am I to others? What type of people do I attract?
Conclusion
Friends play one of the biggest influences in our lives. Beneficial friends include those who are upstanding, understanding, and have broad learning; such friends bring us great fortune, as Guan Zhong did for Duke Huan. Harmful friends include those who are sweet talkers, deceivers, and smooth talkers; such friends bring terrible disasters, as Yi Ya, Shu Diao, and Kai Fang did for Duke Huan. Our character and interests determine the type of people we attract into our lives.
Our focus should not be on judging others as beneficial or harmful, but rather on judging ourselves. What kind of person am I, and what influence do I give to others? What type of people do I attract as a result?
Originally published at https://www.weeklywisdomblog.com on January 26, 2025.
