10 Reasons We Get Angry and Their Solutions

Image Source
  1. You think you are right
  2. You are entitled or spoiled
  3. You demand others to be good and to love you back
  4. You expect others to read your mind
  5. You always remember people’s faults and wrongs but not their goodness
  6. You assume they have negative intentions
  7. You like to debate and win
  8. You base your self-esteem on what others think
  9. You feel rushed and agitated
  10. You are feeling sick or uncomfortable or in pain

Reason 1: You think you are right.

Solution 1: Value their happiness more than me being right.

Solution 2: Think About Their Contributions to You

Solution 3: Cultivate Humility

Example 1

Reason 2: You are entitled or spoiled

Solution: Gratitude

Example 2

  • I saw some bugs in the bag of rice. I was annoyed and upset that there were bugs there. Then I reframed to feel grateful that it is so easy for me to buy rice. My grandparents had to work so hard to have rice to eat.
  • My mother said I eat too little. I got annoyed because I felt like she was criticizing me. Then I reframed it to her caring about my health. So I said thanks for caring about my health. I will eat until 80% full because more than that is bad for digestion.
  • A student said he would take notes for the class, but then he didn’t keep his word. I gave him another chance. He didn’t keep his promise again. I got angry at him. Then I reframed and thought he is very unfortunate to not have built up the virtue of trustworthiness. I am very fortunate that I learned the importance of trustworthiness. I should teach him rather than get angry at him.
  • I was covering for a sick teacher but her video meeting link wasn’t working, so I couldn’t start class on time, so I was annoyed. Then I reframed to seeing this as a chance to practice calm and patience. After all, I’m just a supply teacher, and this problem isn’t my fault, so there’s no need to get agitated. Later, I calmly found a solution.
  • My computer froze while I was working. Rather than getting annoyed, I thought of it as the world telling me to take a stretch break. I came back after 5 minutes and it was back to normal.

Reason 3: You demand others to be good and to love you back

Solution 1: Reciprocity

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Solution 2: Inspire others to improve by improving yourself

  1. Whatever fault I see in them, reflect it on myself first. If I have the same problem, then I need to fix it in myself first before I can ask them to fix it.
  2. Be understanding towards their situation.
  3. Lead by example
  4. Show genuine care
  5. Patiently teach them to change

Example 3

Reason 4: You expect others to read your mind

Solution: Be aware of your needs and then communicate them clearly

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Example 4

  1. Words of Affirmation
  2. Quality time
  3. Acts of Service
  4. Gifts
  5. Touch
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Reason 5: You always remember people’s faults rather than their goodness.

Solution 1: Practice Reciprocity

Solution 2: Focus on their good points. Love them as a whole person, including their imperfections.

Example 5

Reason 6: You assume they have negative intentions

Solution: Understand their perspective.

Example 6

Reason 7: You want to win

Solution: Think Win-Win

Example 7

Reason 8: You base your self-esteem based on what others think

Solution 1: Base your self-esteem on virtues such as kindness and humility.

Solution 2: Only care about what good and wise people think.

Example 8

Reason 9: You feel rushed and agitated

Solution 1: Cultivate Calm and Steadiness

Solution 2: Manage Your Priorities and Time Better

Example 9

Reason 10: You are feeling discomfort or pain

Solution 1: Gratitude

Solution 2: Practice Reciprocity

Solution 3: Increase Your Pain Tolerance

Example 10

Conclusion

  1. You think you are right
  2. You are entitled or spoiled
  3. You demand others to be good and to love you back
  4. You expect others to read your mind
  5. You always remember people’s faults and wrongs but not their goodness
  6. You assume they have negative intentions
  7. You like to debate and win
  8. You base your self-esteem on what others think
  9. You feel rushed and agitated
  10. You are feeling sick or uncomfortable or in pain
  1. Gratitude
  2. Reciprocity
  3. Humility
  4. Be inspiring not demanding
  5. Focus on their good points and contributions
  6. Seek to understand their perspective
  7. Only care about what good and wise people think
  8. Think Win-Win
  9. Cultivate calm and steadiness
  10. Increase your pain tolerance

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Alex Chen

Alex Chen

Passionate about self-cultivation, happiness, and sharing wisdom.

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